Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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