I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
