Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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