I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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