is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
