I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
