Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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