is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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