it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drunk is a universal language darling
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