Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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