I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
