who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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