You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
