She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
