Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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