I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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