the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize