Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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