This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We're too hungover to prance.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
