get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
