She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
