I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
