Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i out mim tonsoeep
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