The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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