I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
