I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We are two peas in an std pod
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
