So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
