I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck me I smell like cheese
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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