Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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