Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize