dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
