i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
