So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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