just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
