If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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