So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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