I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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