Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize