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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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