Your face is a jimmy john
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
