New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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