WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
