Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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