she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pants are for mortals
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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