Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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