is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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