What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
