You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
