He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
