she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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