I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Randomize
