Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
soo... how was my night?
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