I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
