Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
