Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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