he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
