ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
