Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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