There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
