that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
