shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
