When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
