omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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