3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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