I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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