so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
