I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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